Friday Show Prep – Beloved Family Pet Edition

A Staten Island couple has a brand new member of their family. They’ve just picked up a pet horse. Apparently they did some homework and realized there isn’t specifically a law against such things. The couple spent close to $5,000 building a stable in their driveway and now try to ride their horse at least every few days. They even tried to ride the horse through a drive-thru, but were refused service. (You might say, they said “Nay”) A horse certainly has quite a few practical uses, but if you could have any 1,000+ pound animal as a pet, what would you choose? I’d go with a hippo. They just lay around in the water, and you get to throw whole watermelons at them and watch them go to town.

News from my former stomping grounds: An Alabama woman concerned that her methamphetamine may have been tainted with another drug asked police to test her stash. She was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge and booked into the county jail. She is being held in lieu of $2500 bail. But at least she doesn’t have to worry about tainted speed.

As some criminals are going through a process of dumbening, others are using our technological age to their advantage. A man is accused of using a drone to scope out food carts. The thief took tablets, business checks, loose change, stickers, a first aid kit and other items. Listen, I’m not saying they shouldn’t throw the book at this guy, but you have to be a little impressed with the mad remote flying skills displayed by this guy.

A North Carolina mother is accused of trading her child for a car. They tried to trade their 1 year old for a 1992 Plymouth Laser. All people involved are currently in jail… well, except for the kid, obviously. The kid is being cared for by other family members. I think the biggest crime here is the fact that these people were so stupid that they believed a 1992 Plymouth Laser was worth trading anything for. That alone shows they did not have the intelligence needed to make sure this child was going to grow up to be a fully intelligent member of society.

Thursday Show Prep – Valuable Life Lesson Edition

A 21 year old in Florida is facing 10 days in jail for oversleeping. Well, that’s not exactly accurate, he was put in jail for missing jury duty. He says he overslept, but the judge was a wee bit upset that he did not alert anyone in the court. He just no-showed. You can’t do that. He seems to be taking it well, considering the fact that he now has a misdemeanor conviction on his record. Too much? Not enough?

A police officer in Florida pulled over a car for speeding, but it turned out to be a couple on their way to the hospital because the woman was in labor. A situation that happens constantly in the TV, but maybe not as much in real life. Anyway, she ended up having the baby right there in the car with the help of the police officer. I hope the new parents name the kid after the police officer or something, and I hope the police officer gives them a coupon for car detailing.

Yancy has a new Halloween costume inspired by the college admissions bribery scandal. I’m still working on my “Sexy Articles of Impeachment” Halloween costume. That’ll be a big seller.

A North Carolina man whose wife of 12 years left him for another man has won a $750,000 judgment against her lover. It fell under the state’s “alienation of affection” law, which allows spouses to sue somebody who has “purposefully interfered” with their marriage.

Wednesday Show Prep – Unfriendly Skies Edition

A Lufthansa passenger spotted his abandoned suitcase on the airport tarmac, despite being told it had been loaded. He even posted a picture of his bags lonely tarmac vigil as the airplane pulled away from the gate. Obviously, everyone who has flown with any regularity at all can identify with your luggage being lost. But the thing that really struck a chord with me was the airline patting the poor person on the head telling them their luggage had been loaded when they were literally looking right at it on the tarmac. The good news is the luggage did eventually made it.

A California woman died at the age of 102. You might view that as noteworthy because the woman lived such a long life, or you might think it’s not noteworthy because someone who is 102 is living on borrowed time. However it’s extremely noteworthy because DirecTV sent her a notice that she’ll be hit with an “early termination fee.” It’s $160.

Police in Texas are searching for whoever stabbed a man with a sword. Police said an argument between two men over a desktop computer escalated and one man cut the other man with what police believe was a sword. Witnesses said the suspect was quoted as saying “There can be only one.”

Speaking of unusual weaponry, A Louisiana woman is accused of pistol-whipping her husband with a pair of Nerf guns “in retaliation for his alleged infidelity.” Shewas arrested for domestic battery and child endangerment. The latter charge was because she allegedly attacked the victim while the couple’s four children “were present in the house when this incident occurred.” I think this opens up a whole new market for Nerf guns.

Tuesday Show Prep – Motivated Seller Edition

A real estate agent in Michigan decided it was a good idea to post pictures of a host they were listing with the “Scream” villain lurking in all of the rooms. It’s certain gotten the seller more attention than the average listing. But would gimmick like that actually help the house sell any quicker?

A Florida church that has grown too large for its amenities at a local high school is buying a large strip club where they can house their growing congregation. I believe the Bible does say “they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their stripper poles into altars.”

A man was arrested after authorities said he dialed 911 to unlock his car four times. That’s a special kind of entitled jerk who decides that getting locked out of your car is 911-worthy. I would have a hard time calling a friend of family member to help me, due to sheer embarrassment from having done it in the first place, let alone calling 911.

A group dining at an IHOP restaurant in North Carolina reportedly became violent after learning that their refills of orange juice weren’t free. They even assaulted an IHOP manager, who sustained non-life-threatening injuries. If aliens landed on Earth tomorrow, how would we explain 2019?

Geek/CounterGeek – #142: The Worst Historical Films

Misty Callahan and Keith Conrad discuss the news that Disney and Sony have buried the hatchet and will be making more MCU Spider-Man movies after all, and the news that Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum will be in Jurassic World 3.

Plus, Misty and Keith recently had the chance to watch Pompeii. Those torturous two hours have them wondering: what is the worst historical movie ever made?

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Friday Show Prep – Give Me A Newsworthy Death Edition

A skydiver crashed into a big rig trailer on a central California highway and died. First of all, what are the odds that she would actually land on a moving truck like that? Second, I’ve never been skydiving, but if I did I would not be worried about it. If everything goes according to plan, you’ve got an exciting experience and a great story to tell. If everything doesn’t go according to plan, your death is going to be extremely newsworthy. Win-win.

NASA has released a video of a black hole shredding a star in oblivion. The supermassive black hole is located about 375 million light-years away in a galaxy of similar size to the Milky Way. Meanwhile, there are still people on Earth who think the planet is flat.

Here’s one more thing to worry about: An Ohio woman says she caught the cashier at her local Burger King taking a picture of her credit card. She was in the drive thru. The manager took his phone and sure enough there was more than one credit card on there. I would have thought the creepy king was the biggest thing we had to worry about at Burger King.

A Virginia woman says that a squirrel walked up to her, tugged on her leg and led her to its injured baby. She didn’t think she could help, so she called police and animal control and they were eventually able to help the animals return to the tree they call home. Anyone else think animals are a lot smarter than we give them credit for and any moment you expect them to start talking like Nibbler from Futurama? Just me?

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Since Misty Callahan has graciously decided to join me on a rebooted Geek/CounterGeek, it seemed like a great time to re-examine what we wanted the podcast to be.

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Thursday Show Prep – Unwanted Visitor Edition

A Milwaukee couple found a four-foot python under their porch. No one is quite sure where it came from. I’m not sure if I’d be more worried about know that it had escaped from somewhere nearby me, or if they had no idea where it came from. I’d need to buy a new house. And I’d expect the insurance company to give it to me without complaint. What’s the strangest visitor you’ve ever had in your home? I’ve had the occasional gigantic spider and my last place had a couple of mice show up right at the end. Certainly nothing that exotic.

A police officer is facing a felony charge after police said he illegally looked up background information on a woman, who his friend wanted to date. If you can’t use your position to get dates for your friend, what’s the whole point of being a police officer.

An airline in Japan has added a feature to its online booking tool that shows a baby icon on any seats booked by parties traveling with someone 2 years old or younger. They are doing the Lord’s work, and I thank them.

An airline passenger in China recently delayed her flight’s departure by one hour when she opened the emergency exit door of the aircraft because she reportedly felt the cabin was “too stuffy” and wanted “a breath of fresh air.” Yeah, you’re not supposed to do that. Could be worse though, at least it was actually still on the ground at the time.

Wednesday Show Prep – Ultimate Meet Cute Story Edition

A woman in North Carolina decided to divorce her husband and run off the the DJ from their wedding. The woman was married to her previous husband for about a year, before she decided to give him the heave ho. She reconnected with the DJ as a friend, and then eventually decided he was marriage material. It must have been awkward when the DJ asked the now ex-husband for a Yelp review. If you’re that couple, is that a great meet-cute story or one that you avoid talking about at all costs?

The United States Army posted an online solicitation last week that wasn’t looking for warm bodies to meet recruiting quotas, but cold bodies for medical purposes. The Army is looking for fresh frozen cadavers from pelvis to the toe tip with sacrum, shoulders with arms and clavicles and various other body parts. So, if you ever thought about serving your country in the military, but didn’t quite get around to it, your cold dead hands can do so.

A middle-aged couple in Austria received about 25,000 ecstasy pills in the mail by mistake. They were expecting a package that was supposed to contain dresses bought online from a retailer in the Netherlands. Instead, the got a special delivery from Walter White. In other news, apparently ecstasy pills are available through mail order.

A Swiss tourist took LSD at Disneyland Paris, fell into a lake, then disappeared for hours before turning up naked more than a mile away. The Swiss man, who admitted to taking LSD for a bet, was barefoot “in the middle of the road” and “did not have a centimeter of clothes on him.” I think we’ve all had our fair share of morning like that.

Tuesday Show Prep – Rageaholics Anonymous Edition

The Florida Highway Patrol is searching for a driver that rammed a woman in her car multiple times after becoming upset it took her so long to dig for change at the toll booth. They know who did it because they were able to track the person down through their registration, but they haven’t been able to physically locate them yet. Ok, I’m sure it hasn’t been this bad because you’re a completely reasonable person, but what’s the most angry you’ve ever been while you were waiting in line for something?

According to a recent survey, seven percent of Americans believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Well, on the plus side, I think that’s actually fewer people who believe we didn’t land on the Moon.

Gig alert: Looking for a job? Are you a big fan of garlic bread? For $30 an hour for just one day, you get to spend the day in Brisbane, Australia eating “delicious garlic breads” and other products being tested by Domino’s Pizza. Of course, you’d have to live in Australia, where literally everything is trying to kill you.

Officers in a Massachusetts police department briefly turned into Amazon drivers after a stash of undelivered packages was found in a cemetery. There were about 20 packages or so, addressed to residents in their community, so police took it upon themselves to deliver them. They’ll also be investigating to find out how the packages ended up in the ultimate dead letter office to begin with.