Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-11-16: Big Brother Is (Probably) Watching You

A guy in Arizona noticed a strange box had suddenly appeared on a telephone pole by his house. He was worried Big Brother might be watching him and called authorities to ask about it. It turned out he was right, the box was from the ATF. They won’t say what the box was actually for, but as soon as he notice it they took it down. Sometimes the government really is watching you.

Chicago Police Head Honcho Eddie Johnson is going to start wearing a body camera on Monday. Chicago is way behind other big cities in terms of body cameras. Johnson and the other head honchos are going to wear them in an effort to rebuild trust. This seems like a great example of really dumb things civil servants do because it’s good optics. If Chicago is lagging behind other cities, and they want to rebuilt trust with people, wouldn’t it make more sense to have as many body cameras out there on the streets with police as opposed to with a bunch of people in desk jobs?

According to a Sun-Times report, Chicago Police Department officials created plans to have undercover cops spy on protest groups in the city. It was during the wake of the release of the Laquan McDonald video. They were keeping tabs on Black Lives Matter and four other groups.

Mike Quigley is saying it’s a good idea to just go ahead and block off Clark and Addison near Wrigley Field for Cubs games. The Cubs suggested that this winter and people, including the Mayor scoffed at the idea. But now they’ve installed metal detectors on the sidewalk in front of the ballpark and there isn’t a whole lot of room there. That might be enough to close the streets down. Certainly Addison.

Andy Richter tweeted that he remembers Denny Hastert’s Lazyboy in the boys locker room in Yorkville High School. It was positioned with a few of the showers. Apparently Hastert had it installed to “prevent fights.” Richter says in retrospect it was odd how easily Hastert was able to do that without anyone objecting.

Attention germophobes: A survey found 70% of shopping carts in Chicago have at least a little E. coli on them. It makes sense, much like the TV remote control in a hotel room, it’s not like anyone ever actually cleans shopping carts. Basically, it’s probably a good idea to never touch anything in public without wiping it down with Clorox wipes.

During President Obama’s big interview on Fox News, Chris Wallace asked him what his worst mistake as President was. He said it was falling to plan for the aftermath of intervening in Libya. He says he still believes it was the right move though.

A snarky Starbucks barista put a note on a customers coffee cup reading “Diabetes here I come!” It was on a grande cup of white mocha. It turned out the customer has two sisters who are diabetic, so he was not amused.

Someone called a Burger King in Minnesota claiming to be with the fire department, warning of a gas leak. They convinced the manager to break all of the windows to release the pressure or the whole place would explode. The convenience store across the street say people breaking the widows, thought it was vandalism and called the police. It caused about $10,000 worth of damage, so it was a very expensive joke. Doesn’t anyone ask for some sort credentials? I know you don’t want to mess with a gas leak, but they seem pretty gullible to me.

Also in important burger news: Someone broke into a Washington, DC Five Guys and made themselves a cheeseburger. They also stole a bottle of water.

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.

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