Gabatron Morning Briefing – 2-25-16: Rehabilitation By Humiliation

An Ohio man was caught stealing a 52 inch TV at his local Wal-Mart. The judge gave him a choice: 30 days in jail, or spending eight hours a day for ten days wearing a sign reading “I am a thief. I stole from Walmart.” He decided to go with the sign. The authorities check up on him every hour to make sure he’s still out there with his sign. Good alternative to our over-crowded prison system?

Chicago is shrinking like a frightened turtle: According to U.S. Census Bureau data released this week, the city of Chicago decreased in population last year for the first time since at least 1990. The decrease marked the largest loss of any major metropolitan area in the United States in the past year. Why do you think people are leaving? Crime? Taxes? Rank corruption? The fact that our teachers go on strike every year?

The Chicago Public Schools are telling parents that they’ll want to make alternate arrangements for April 1st. They’ll have 250 sites open, but they want it to be a last resort for parents.

The Cubs are warning fans they’ll want to arrive early for games this season, because all fans will have to go through metal detectors. It’s actually part of a mandate for all Major League Baseball stadiums.

Millennium Park has released their summer movies for 2016. The biggest surprise? Silence of the Lambs on July 19th. Who is going to lay on a blanket with their sweetheart on a crisp summer evening to watch Silence of the Lambs?

Animal stories! Some jerk(s) in Pennsylvania shot a horse with over 100 paintballs. They don’t know who did it or why, the horse was found abandoned at a horse show. Now that’s a horse of a different color.

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.

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