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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 3-14-16: War On Single People

Happy Pi Day!

A bill in the California legislature would mandate, let workers have paid time off to tend to their kids’ school activities. But won’t this cut further into productivity? How are businesses supposed to cover for that on top of what it already costs when workers take sick days? How angry would you be if you don’t have kids?

A picture of a Trump supporter doing the Nazi salute blew up the Internet after the aborted Trump rally. First it was reported that she was a plant from the Sanders campaign, then it turned out to be an old lady who actually spent time in Nazi and claims she was trying to learn the young ragamuffins about what it was really like there. Ok, intervention time, let’s all adopt a rule: No doing Hitler salutes, even if you’re trying to make some sort of strange point. Unless all of the people around you know your background and know that you grew up in Nazi Germany, you just end up looking like… well, a Nazi. No Nazi salutes.

Donald Trump told Chuck Todd on Meet The Press that he’s looking into whether or not he’ll pay the legal fees of the supporter who punched a protester. He also said that he does not condone violence. If he pays the legal fees for someone who punched out another person, it seems like that might be condoning violence. As a matter of fact, if you look up “condoning violence” in the dictionary, there’s a woodcut showing a man punching out a protester and then a politician handing them a sack with a big dollar sign on it.

Not news: A protester interrupted a Marco Rubio rally in Florida. News: The protester was screaming that Marco Rubio stole his girlfriend. No, he wasn’t alleging some extramarital affair on Rubio’s part, he claims that since meeting him in New Hampshire, she hasn’t looked at him the same way. Most campaigns, that would have been the strangest story out there, but this is 2016.

A Florida sheriff has been watching the fight between Apple and the Federal government over the San Bernardino shooters phone, and he’s not happy. He said that if he ever finds himself unable to access a phone because of Tim Cook’s shenanigans, he’ll “lock the rascal up.”

Richard Simmons may or may not be missing. Some friends claim he hasn’t been seen in two years. Did you realize Richard Simmons has been away for two years? His agent says he’s merely enjoying a well-deserved respite after some 40 years in the spotlight. I’ve heard though that if you play a Sweatin’ To The Oldies tape backwards, you hear “Richard is dead”

Two window washers at Monroe and Wabash had to be rescued when their scaffolding collapsed. They were put back on terra firma without incident. The windows went unwashed, and I would imagine they both needed a change of clothing after that. Is there a worse possible job than window washer? You literally might fall to your death just so some suit in a corner office doesn’t have to look at streaks on his/her window.

A school in Georgia decided it was a good idea to have their prom at Stone Mountain. Unfortunately they didn’t take a good look at the state park event calendar, and later learned the prom would be happening the same day as a white supremacist rally. They’ll be at different ends of the park, and there shouldn’t be all that much overlap in time.

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.