Gabatron Morning Briefing 1-14-15: Cover Affairs

According to NASCAR’s Kurt Busch, his ex-girlfriend Patricia Driscoll is a hired killer who was sent on covert missions around the globe. Busch claims that while they were in El Paso, Texas, she left in camouflage gear and returned in a trench coat that was covering a bloodied evening gown. Ever thought your significant other was a spy?

A California lawmaker is pushing another bill to make cheerleading a sport. Obviously, being a cheerleader requires more athleticism than I’ve ever had in my life. But I think there might have to be some defense involved… maybe if the other squad was allowed to try to trip them? Your thoughts?

A possible leak in the cooling system on the International Space Station has resulted in the evacuation of the U.S. crew from the American segment of the station to the Russian segment. Knowing Putin, he’ll probably send us an invoice for using their section of the station.

Always tip your bartender: House Speaker John Boehner’s former bartender once made plans to slip poison into the House speaker’s drink, or shoot him and drive away. He allegedly had a long list of grievances: He heard voices that told him Boehner was evil. He thought the Ohio Republican was the devil. He blamed Boehner for the Ebola outbreak. And he thought the speaker was mean to him. I know how Boehner feels, my Mail Man used to think I looked like Kiefer Sutherland.

Good news: The IRS says that people could have to wait a week or more to get their tax refund. They are blaming budget cuts. So they can’t send you your money back because they are having to send you your money back.

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.

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