Gabatron Morning Briefing 1-6-15 – Light Sweet Crude

First the good news: Oil prices continue to fall like a drunken Wallenda (h/t to Dan Deibert for that joke).Prices are under $50 a barrel and analysts say that they could fall as far as $30 a barrel. The bad news is that stocks are falling just as quickly. The Dow fell over 300 points on Monday. So you may be able to finally afford to buy gas again, but you might not be able to afford to retire. Pick your poison.

More bad news: Congress is back in session. They’ve already held the votes for leadership positions and pretty much everybody is back where they were before. House Speaker John Boehner was seen celebrating his victory with a visit to his favorite tanning salon “Melanoma’s of Mount Vernon”

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the hell away from Bigfoot and his family! Arizona’s Department of Transportation posted a photo on Facebook last week suggesting a pack of sasquatches might have crossed a state road. Now they say they don’t really believe that they were sasquatches, they were just having fun with us. I want to know which quasi government agency got to them.

Scientists in California have discovered eight new exoplanets. All of them are in the so-called “Goldilocks” — or habitable — zone of their stars or the area where liquid water can form. That’s thought to be the biggest thing needed for life to show up. All of the planets are between 400-1100 light years away, so I wouldn’t plan on visiting any time soon. It’s great that we are finding all of these exoplanets, but since they are all so far away, do you believe that they will find any with life that we could visit or at least exchange awkward Christmas emails with?

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.

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